I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
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