Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
