Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
