She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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