i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think my moral compass just broke
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