i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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