The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
