I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
