Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
