Buhtt sex?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
and you fell through a lawn chair
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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