The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
