I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My feet surprised me
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I think I just sharted jello shots
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