he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
