My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Randomize
