I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
