I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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