My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
