i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Randomize
