Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
