you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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