I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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