wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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