Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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