Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
