And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
