just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
