there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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