i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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