i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
