you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize