Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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