Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
