You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
