You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize