You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
