just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
