Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
