im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
