I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
