I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
