he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
