you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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