is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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