I'm laying in your front yard are you home
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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