hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
