Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
