Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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