if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
