Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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