You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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