Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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