i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
