Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
