Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
