You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
