Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
