Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
