dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
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