Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
