I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
