WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
