How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
