@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
