I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
