i would punch a child for taco bell
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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