I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize