She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
