thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
