You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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