I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
