YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
bring money and cleavage
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
