It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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