So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's just like the Real World with babies
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
