This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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