i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
