Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
