Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
