PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
