pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize