I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
