I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
