Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
