just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
