OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
