Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
