Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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