I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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