Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
