Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
