I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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