u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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