the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
