so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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