I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
