he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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