We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
