woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize