I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
