drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My penis needs a shock collar
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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