We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The beer is more important than you right now.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
