i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
