Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
