I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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